It's not a good idea.

I saw the midnight viewing of Funny People, and I thank Courtney for the suggestion. The movie had actually beaten my already high expectations of it, good job Mr. Apatow. It helped mediate how the night was turning out.

Tomorrow is the day we are leaving for Vegas, and the build up of excitement and anticipation was high. We made plans and we discussed our activities. We even decided on what we were going to limit ourselves on spending. But all of a sudden, you realized it wasn't a good idea to go anymore, the night prior to us leaving. I'm glad you actually took the time to think of the consequences of going somewhere before actually going. Unlike the times when you went to those trips this past summer, you realized that you should've thought things through afterwards. Well I am glad you've learned your lesson, it just sucks that you implied it on me.

Last Sunday was really fun, and I thank you for that. Although it was only for a night, it made me feel like I was myself again, and I was happy. I thought all the awkwardness between us was gone, and I was content with the direction we were heading. The person that you wanted so much to be there for you was coming back. I was dedicated into letting go of that grudge that I had, and to be that "best friend" again. I thought we both understood that this trip was going to be the trip that would mediate our friendship as to how it was two years ago. You might not see this as such a big of a deal as I am, but this really made me upset and dissapointed. But I guess I am used to it.

I made a cd for the car ride.
I hope you enjoy your weekend and I'll try to do the same.

You have the most beautiful face.

I don't think some people fully understand what I had done for them, let alone how much I cared for them. But then again, I realized I was blind to a certain few that loved me back then. So in turn, everyone gets a taste.

My nephew Taylor is growing up to be a very handsome boy. And I only say that because I think he looks exactly like me as when I was a baby :)

It's not considered a sin,

if you do it in Sin City. It will be considered normalcy.

I want everyone to know, I am fucking ready for Vegas.

I feel at ease.

These pictures were given to me through email a few days ago. My cousin took consideration of taking pictures that day, just in case if I would want them. And I did, thanks Mike.

I am on your side.

I want you to think back in time with me. Think of the times when you had "everything," or as you call it now. Were those times as good as you make it sound? The past is often dramatized, and the memories are often fantasized. The people we think of often become much more beautiful than who they were. This is how our mind works, this is human nature. But as humans, we also have the ability to distinctly tell one from the other. Reminiscing on the loved ones is good, and it is somewhat healthy. But if you do it in a way which involves blaming one another, then it becomes unhealthy.

When you had her in your arms, you weren't the happiest man alive. You'd often considered yourself better off with others and seeing problems facing the end of the relationship. You made the initial move to end it, and you understood why. Instead of quickly occupying your mind with other possibilities after the break-up, you ended up pondering useless and harmful thoughts. Your mind created these thoughts in your head, branching it off from your memories. It changed the old reality into something more comfortable to think back on. This in turn made you think that you had it all, that you had everything right. It is a common mistake for many break-ups, but it sadly happens. You'd have to learned to control your memories if you would want to move on. You need to be able to tell what was real and what wasn't.

You might not agree with me, you might think that I would not understand exactly how you feel. And you are absolutely right, I do not. But I do know what sadness feels, and how to control that sadness. I did not let the depression overcome my life and I didn't neglect everything else in the world because of it. I hope you do read this and I hope you get what I am trying to say. Keep calm and carry on buddy.

You're Sean's brother, aren't you?

Yes, yes I am.

I had my interview for Wells Fargo this morning in Norco. This was my second group interview for the company; the first one was over a year ago. As I had experienced before, group interviews are awkward. Especially when you wait in the waiting room for the recruiter to arrive. Everyone arrived early and the seats were taken, so I stood next to the exit. The recruiter finally arrived and she had trouble getting through the door because she carrying quite a handful of paperwork. I helped her with the door and she accidentally stepped on my foot. She turned around laughing and said "Sorry." I said it was alright and she knew right then that I was Sean's brother. Carol was the recruiter this time, and she was a really nice. She did a very good job in setting the environment of the interview into a much more relaxing and enjoyable experience. With 18 other people, whom all dressed professionally, the interview started at 9:45am.

The interview ended at 1:05pm.

The overall process went by OK, however, I believed I could've done more in answering her questions. But she seemed to have a solid recognition of me, and that's all it matters I guess. After the interview I called my brother, and he wanted me to come by his store, which was on the way. It was my first time being at his work, and it was my first time ever sitting in his office. As I was waiting for him in his office, I looked around and I caught sight a framed family picture next to his calender on his desk. It was an old picture, and I was surprised to see it there.

Sean Wong - Store Manager, Norco, Wells Fargo.

Lets hope I get the job, wish me luck!

Bridge over troubled water.

I have decided to let go of the pride and dignity that has caused me to stay firm with my beliefs. Even though it may be a small amount and dormant, it is enough to cast a wall between me and these people.

I was at Glenn's birthday gathering today, thrown by his lovely family. Watching his family having such a beautiful chemistry of love and laughter caught my attention. I envied them. I envied at how much the family cared for Glenn. Even though Glenn didn't show much enthusiasm when he was put on the spotlight for the cake and speech, I could tell he was happy.

Mr. Kim apparently has a very high view of me as a musician, and I was very flattered by his remarks, even if it was in Korean.

I really want that feeling. I still can't seem to let myself talk to my brothers..not yet. Not for what they did. But if I want to feel what Glenn was feeling today, I would have to drop down my pride and dignity. I would have to ignore it all and just be their little brother again.













I will lay me down. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

Stop hitting on me.

Glenn told everyone to be there at 8pm.
Glenn showed up at 10.30pm.
Glenn was sober.
Glenn took 5 shots, one of which was Crown Royal.
Glenn was drunk.
Glenn hugged everyone, 4 times.
Glenn groped Andrew's chest and bit it.
Glenn gave her sister 40 dollars.
Glenn kept saying 'Happy Birthday' to Andrew.
Glenn still had jokes.
Glenn took off his shirt and gave it to Ana, wearing only a wife beater.
Glenn then also gave his wallet and phone to Ana.
Glenn gave me his house keys.
Glenn got free food from the caring servers.
Glenn kept on thinking someone stole his wallet, phone, and keys.
Glenn was carried to my car.
Glenn got a beef bowl at Yoshinoya's.
Glenn fed Brian some of his food with a fork.
Glenn was chauffeured to Alexis' house.
Glenn wanted to go and fuck up "Phil."
Glenn walked away from the group and hopped a fence.
Glenn was in the community pool.
Glenn took of the remainder of his clothes, with the exception of his boxers.
Glenn jumped into the pool. Andrew said "Be careful" in a very loving tone.
Glenn got out, dried himself off from Alexis' towel.
Glenn gave Alexis his necklace.
Glenn later asked me who stole his necklace.
Glenn never threw up.
Glenn was taken home, and he's in his room now.

Saranghae Glenn Kim.

Four walls won't hold me tonight.

Let us backpack in Venice.
Let us camp in Yosemite.
Let us swim in Maui.
Let us shop in Paris.
Let us get lost in Tokyo.
Let us hike in Machu Picchu.
Let us learn in Berlin.
Let us toke in Amsterdam.
Let us drink in Dublin.
Let us dance in Madrid.
Let us discover Cape Town.
Let us be amazed in New Zealand.

Lets.

I'll make my own holidays.

"Abhorrent timing, that is the overall conflict of this relationship. One can call them cross-starred lovers, but the word 'lovers' can never be used to describe them. They have had their feelings for one another at different time periods, but it never occured at one simultaneous moment. She takes that as a sign of fate. Her final answer to him is that she doesn't like him the way she did anymore, and believes that his morality will not accept her beliefs, at least not enough to be his significant other. He didn't object her reasons, but rather he let her go on until it was too late to say anything anymore. Instead of overcoming the plethora of differences that they had, they decided to just not try at all. Why continue on having these emotional anxieties when it isn't necessary? This is what she concluded about their existing situation. Although he didn't wish it to end, he knew that she was right." - David Wong

That was written exactly two years ago. Who knew I had such articulateness and the overdose of cheesiness in my writing composition, haha. Things have changed so much since then. I don't even know where she is now.

As for upcoming holidays, who wants to celebrate "Taking Polaroid Pictures Day" with me?

See you back at the hotel.

On the second day of our trip of New York, we joined a tour for Washington D.C for two days and one night. I personally don't like tours, but my mother prefers it every time, so I just tag along. D.C. is a much greener city than of New York, but far less crowded. The capital was nothing but huge historic monuments and memorials one after another, making any tourist camera-happy, including myself.

The night was probably the most interesting of all, and it didn't involve any sightseeing and tourism. Courtney and I were planning to meet up that night, but it wasn't until the day of I found out that the hotel was located 20 miles outside of D.C. So we thought of this brilliant plan to meet up via metro. So I told my mom and the rest of the tour to go on without me, and that I would go to the hotel via taxi. From that point on, I was on my own, somewhere in Maryland and Virginia. I asked a few locals where the nearest metro station was, and they gladly pointed me the way. It was quite a walk, but I eventually found the station after 40 minutes or so. I quickly bought my metro card, waiting for the next train. The train did not come, only to find out 5 minutes later that there was some incident that happened in the trains, causing a 30 minute delay. Both Courtney and I were stuck on both ends waiting for a train.

Time was limited, and we were determined to see each other, even if it was for 15 minutes. And it was a good 15 minutes in the end. Courtney ended up catching the first train available and she came to my station. We took what we had and made the best out of it. Only to find out that it was 11.10PM and the train station closes at 11.30PM, Courtney had to leave and catch the last train before it closes. We caught sight of a taxi and we parted ways from there. This meeting was the most difficult, but yet exhilarating one. I enjoyed it. I had good talks with the people a long the way, from the metro station to the cab driver named Kas, it was a good experience.

Such heartwarming hospitality.

New York was in every way magnificent, thanks to my Great Uncle and his wonderful family.

Many stories were told in this trip, and I've learned much more about my dad. My mom's uncle and my dad were best friends during the Vietnam War era, which led my dad into discovering my mom. So I have my Great Uncle to thank for my existence. His stories were nostalgic enough that his eyes would become glossy every time he looks at me. He told me many things; from what guns my dad had used and the first encounters of my dad and mom (which were hilarious). The stories were detailed and my mom was embarrassed. I will remember these stories forever.

His family was beautiful inside and out. They took us in making sure we would have a good vacation. And a good vacation we had indeed. With two days in Washington D.C., leaving three days for New York, there wasn't much time. New York is a busy city, a city that been around since the dawn of America. I will surely go back, you can count on that.

No message could've been any clearer.

Here is a selective few.

Right through the very heart of it.

Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today.
I want to be a part of it, New York, New York.
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray.
Right through the very heart of it, New York, New York.

I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn't sleep.
And find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap.

These little town blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it in old New York
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, New York, New York.

I'll be back on July 10th by Noon.

Nobody said it was easy.

Hm. I had a good chat with Glenn and Brian the other day. The conversation lasted until 5AM in my living room.

There are things that people still don't know about me, including my closest friends. These things aren't important, it's just that I choose not to share it. Whenever people ask me about it, I just smile and shrug it off. I have always believed that there are things I need to keep secret. Those moments belong to you and the other that was involved. It's sentimental enough that only we can know about, no one else. I would naturally feel disrespectful if I speak of it. That's why I try not to subject myself into games that require you to speak truthfully or any of that matter. This past few days made me realize how people view me as. They have this certain view of me because of what I choose not to talk about, and I think that is pretty interesting.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow night, then I leave for NY the day after that.